How to Get Arrested (as Safely as Possible)

So you want to get arrested, detained, charged with a crime in protest? This may prove a judicious strategy for a homeless person whose rights are violated. After all, access to the criminal justice system as a defendant is far easier than as a plaintiff in the civil court system, the burden of proof lies squarely on the prosecution instead, and as a bonus we automatically qualify for legal representation. A favourable verdict may also prove a boon in an eventual civil lawsuit.

But before you get excited, allow me to warn you: it takes nerves of steel to confront several police officers armed with sticks, mace, tasers, even firearms, knowing they’re eager for an excuse to use them on you. These people are trained to intimidate and they’re pretty good at it. They will threaten you with being charged with a crime, prison, a criminal record tattooed on your forehead for the rest of your life, and your overall ruin. If you persist, they will drag you in handcuffs to the back of a police car, put you in a jail cell with no windows, after searching your person and your belongings. They will try to coerce you into accepting conditions, and if you refuse them you get sent to prison. There you’ll have everything confiscated, you’ll be strip searched in a purposefully humiliating manner, you’ll be walked through a metal detector and an X-ray machine, and thrown into a cell, all this time glared at by officers likewise eager for an excuse to use their gear on you. And the prosecutor’s office will try to break you into accepting a plea deal, threatening you will a lengthy sentence if you keep defying them (that’s usually bluff but you never know with the court system).

It’s possible to submit oneself to this process and emerge both unscathed and victorious. But it takes a level head, planning, persistence, familiarity with the legal system, and wits.

The most important thing to remember is that all of these people are predators and feed on weakness, so never show them any. Whatever happens, you have to be able to stare at them in the eyes and show them you’re not afraid of them. Much of what they threaten you with is bluff anyway, and if you stand your ground you deny them sustenance; on the other hand, if they see you as wavering, they will chew you alive.

It’s also important to have a plan and be prepared. If your conduct is legal, bring proper documentation with you and make sure you have lines ready to defend your conduct, or even better, condemn your accusers. If you make claims, be confident and support them with evidence. If you make legal threats, be prepared to carry them out; that being said, never threaten law enforcement with anything that can be construed as violence. Most importantly, watch everything you say, because the slightest slip-up will be used against you.

Also, be mindful of your surroundings. If there are security cameras, these can exonerate you, so try to stand in the open at a favourable angle. Look around for witnesses you recognise, as you may be able to call upon them to testify in your favour later on. Even better, bring witnesses if you can, especially if they’re willing to risk recording police work with their smartphones from a respectful distance. Remember, there is strength in numbers.

Avoid doing anything unnecessary, such as taking your protest on innocent bystanders; if they ask questions, politely assure them you will not get them involved. If you’re protesting an anti-loitering ordnance, stick to loitering, and otherwise comply with any reasonable request. If you can demonstrate the said ordnance is actually an anti-vagrancy law in disguise, stick to that argument. Don’t volunteer unnecessary information, which can only work against you. Be courteous if you can, and avoid raising your voice or doing anything that could be construed as a malicious disturbance. Also, don’t bring anything unnecessary with you, especially if it can be used as a weapon; you won’t be able to keep anything in prison anyway. And don’t bother hiding anything from them, they’ll find it. Seriously, if you won’t need it in prison or upon being released, like your medication or winter clothing, leave it behind.

Throughout your encounters with police officers, keep in mind that they’re psychopaths and manipulators. Don’t enable them by answering their arguments, especially if they just told you they don’t give a shit about your rights, arguments, or circumstances, in which case you should just shrug and answer in kind; they don’t have a good answer when their hypocrisy is called. This is a game of Poker after all, so just explain to them that you’re certain of your strategy and that if they want to see your cards they have to call the bet. Like all bullies, the one thing they fear the most is exposure, so if you can exploit their own liabilities, starting with their lies and transgressions, they’re bound to fold along the way, while if they want to go all the way to showdown instead they’re playing right into your hand.